Soul in Distress :-)

Dont judge me, Just dont :-) I always loved to write, below you will see one of the worst ones I've ever written.. I find justice in it from the serenity i feel now, once i got all the unworthy thoughts out in words. May not be coherent, and not in the least normal. So once again, Dont Judge :-)

Its sweet.. or is it bitter?
Confused, yet in love
I see not the world around
I feel not, anymore
I know not what I want
I say not what I mean
I fight not.. Anymore
worn out, to my soul, yet in love

Days I remember, when love tasted sweet
Fresh, dreamy.. excited to live
A look was enough, a smile meant heaven
A Touch felt like a dream I never will attain
Of all the stories, I read with my heart
I loved most just to be in love
Just to be in love

Life is a mystery
For all your dreams come true
For each day, you see the world grow
You fall in love, your eyes blind
You tread a path whose end u never know
I'll say its the end, for your life pauses
I never felt it move on, never, once in love

Stuck somewhere in between
My breath, the life in me
See, You just have to love me.
Just say u know my heart
All you have to do is, my love
Kiss me back to my life again
Just Kiss me.. Back to my life again..

Scream.. Fight.. Yet do NOT quit!! Exam oriented Motto ;)

Feeling my eyes falling down straight to the zillion photostats, presentation slides and other scary study material, I looked around.. Just to make sure world is still there right on its track.. And there my world is, watching tv! ;) My hubby.. :-) I get so damn crazy when he gets to watch tv when I am suffocated with all the exam tensions and frustrations!! The usual answer to my frustrations is
1. Standing infront of the tv. Oh yes, it works.
2. Shouting that I am hungry. Yeah yeah am the wife, should cook. since it aint a secret i dont cook durin exams n the whole world take its time enjoyin pullin my leg sharin that with those who dont know it yet, thot i'll do the favour myself! :D
He buys or cooks something for me, effectively ruining his sweet tv time.
3. Crying, following him everywhere asking Why ME, Why MTech!!! I need to live live live!!! He pretends he dont hear, or if am too desperate, he smiles! SMILES!!
But it works :D I smile too :D Suddenly feeling stupid for bein such a crybaby :P

The list goes on. :D Trust me, once u marry, u know how to make ur manz life pure hell :P Especially when u r a student as well. Marriage and studies goes well, its just my hubby who feels real "un"well :P :P

Enough about him. Focus on me :P Where was I? Yea disturbin him. I like doin that though :P One hour gone!! Each time I look at the clock I feel like turning back its hands or better yet hammering it to a stand still so it wouldnt just freak me out by running crazy!! My heart starts beatin fast, oh my god so much to study what will i do WHAT WILL I DO???!! trrrrinnnnnnnnnggggggg My phone! Right on time!!! :D one of my desperate friends calling to find solace in my words when I say, Nah not even a page over yet!! We whine for another hour, discussing how pathetic our lives are, and again i luk at the clock. OH GOD!!

I am back infront of my laptop, n I suddenly feel sleepy. Damn!! Why cant I just study?? Inorder to give my sleepy tired eyes a lil warmth, I watch FRIENDS, laugh again n again at joeyz and chandlerz stupid jokes. Must have watched it a hundred times but oh boy! I never get tired of them :-) I watch one episode, and decides its time to study.

FACEBOOK!! And I reads each n every line on my wall. Only If i could do the same with the study material. Nah never. :D I keep refreshing the page a zillion times, n nother hour passes by without much bein done about the exam next day.. :D

My hubby returns to the room, sleepy and tired.. Looks at me with the same question in his eyes that i see every night aroung 11 "Shall we please switch off the lights n sleep??" And then the poor soul sees me with my laptop, stops himself from mouthing the words thinking am studyin so damn hard.

The second I see him sleepin, I realize I have only a few hours left to study.. That my day is ending.. That I dream of sleepin.. That I miss my life.. Ooops mind diversions!!
Back to : I have only a few hours left to study.. And I scan through the slides.. Not bothering if i will remember it next day.. Next few hours I peacefully study.. :-) If I had been lucky enough to listen to the lectures,which I usually skip coz I daydream a lot :D , I finish what I aimed to finish. Else I will be suicidal the next morning.

Morning. Oh my god oh my god Do I remember anything? I have a lot left to read!! Will I pass?? Why do I do this to myself??? Why cant I just study before n spare myself from this emotional drama!! I promise myself this never happens again. Never. Ever. :D

Reaches my class.. Sees everybody running around trying to take in every last bits n pieces of meaningless words which they can vomit right on to the paper a few minutes later.. I join them. Trrinnnggggg Exam bell. Supervisor comes. Answer sheets distributed. Question paper. I pray to all the zillion gods we talk about in hindu mythology although I narrow it down to one after Exams when I dont need anything from them :D I make sure each of them HEARS me screaming for marks :D

I write. Verbal Diarrhea :P :P Sometimes I dont even know what am writing, but i guess thats what diarrhea is about.. The FLOW!! :D :D

Finally, over.. Doing justice to all the promises I took, I run to my home sweet home, sleeps for the rest of the day, till my dear husband comes, and well..

He starts watching TV :D And I start disturbing him.. Life, my friends. My life :D :D

Infy days..

Hmmmmmmmmm... :-)

As I collected snaps of mysore infy campus for this post, my heart started feeling heavy :-) Many many sweet memories dwell in this sweet heaven.. Those who have been to mysore must be knowing its a lovely place.. And Infy campus in Mysore is just breathtakingly beautiful, and romantic.. :-)

After college, I was impatiently waiting for infy to call.. Most of my friends had got in infy.. I was screaming loud inside "Just call us pleaaaaaaaasseeeeeeeeee".. And then.. they called!!! Almost every morning I used to check mail, before even brushing my teeth!! Just imagine how desperate I was.. But guys, you know how it is right.. College days over.. Solitudez hell.. All you can think of is to be back with your friends again.. Hang out, be happy again.. :-)

The day we joined, I remember feeling so light.. So happy.. I walked around every nook and corner of the campus.. Its not just the beauty.. The ambience.. The cool breeze.. The intimacy we feel with everyone in that place.. uhh was just INCREDIBLE!!! The rooms were just luxurious.. But I never felt like going back to the room that day.. First day right.. I just got mad.. :-) I cycled along with my friend, till around 3 in the morning.. :-) I was in heaven. HEAVEN. :-)

As time passed.. The training became very hectic.. And under all that unbearable pressure, I started feeling lonely and depressed again.. See, when its such a beautiful place, you never feel like doing anything sane :-) You dont feel like studying, All you'll want is walk.. and walk and walk.. taking in the cool air, shivering inside.. just walk mindlessly till the end.. :-) But they wouldnt let you, trust me. They would just make you scream n shout inside and go mad!! :D

I remember writin crazily, tryin to relive my memories about mysore infy life the day we completed 2 yrs... here it is:

Cheers guys!!

2 years!! oh boy!! Time goes real fast aint it :)

Considering the broken backs coz of the sleepless nights (especially during .NET training, Phew!!) , a pair of eyes which good Lord blessed us with which got over-heated trying to read the trillion page slides within a night to attempt the worst-nightmare-come-true perception(thats what they call the tests they conducted, though i doubt if we had time enough to really "perceive" anything), I've done quite well. oh yeah. :)

I owe Infy for all the amazing realizations..

Like I can actually sit throughout the night trying to finish a project without blinking my eye once...

Or dat I cud actually wake up at 8 45 am, curse myself for sleeping late (Mostly must have slept at 8 30 am), run to d class wishin i had a private jet to save the time, and reach sweating like a pig to find that infosys time has decided its 9:01 now , and the instructor's polite request to GET OUT, and watching the million mocking faces who got lucky enuf to reach on time, walk down to the food court with all the securities staring, and finally find justice in my fate by wolfing down the breakfast which i would have missed otherwise...

Or dat u cud feel as miserable as the worst all-time loser in the whole world, or as successful in a matter of days or two consecutive perceptions, Whichever is smaller.

Or that you could sleep peacefully with your eyes open, easing ur tired body into the way-too-comfortable chair, hiding ur face with ur monitor(the best use i ever made of it till date). We poor tired ghosts of what you call "lucky-ass-who-got-into-infy" most probably would have outrun the Olympics gold medal winner to catch up with the perception and sitting for the next session a few minutes later..

Or that.. If i ever had made use of my dumb brain the way infosys did.. I probably would have stood a chance to be a successful candidate to some friggin IIT :) PROBABLY :)Since I preferred to snore whenever I saw my textbooks, thank god I never had to test my superhuman powers. Atleast not till I reached Infosys. :D

Cheers to all my dearest friends who made it till here... Cheers!!!

Afterall, without you , the luxurious breath-taking beautiful Mysore campus never would have made so many cherishable sweet memories.. Enough for a lifetime..

Now here I am, doing M.Tech.. Far from infy..

Those who all are still a part of Infy family, and those who aint,

Congrats!!

Later, when the hectic training was over, and the recession that hit the IT industry those days made them to train us for another one month to utilize our time, We started ENJOYING the campus, and mysore.. Extended training dint put any pressure since the fear of being dumped by infy if we fail in exams were no more in our hearts.. We had all passed our worst fear with the last training.. This was just to utilize our skill, and their time, we knew. :-) And we did utilize our skills.. oh yes we did. :D

We made sure we watched each and every show from the multiplex theatre they provided, even if it meant getting up early from the cozy bed, waking all the sleepyheads sleeping cozily through the intercom they provided in each room, and running to get the tickets so that the whole gang can sit together. sweet!! :D

If we had burned our eye sockets during the initial training, we certainly had our time off cooling them right back to normal during that time :D Learning material was no fun anymore without the pressure of getting exit. So typical. :D

Every day we went out, dined in some good cozy restaurant, made a lot of noise that the restaurant people actually started shaking their heads and frowning when we paid them a visit :D But yes they always welcomed us neverthless. About 30 foodies in our gang. Who cares if we make a lil noise :D

Thats the time when I started gaining weight like hell.. No more had I to run to classes, nor cycle to save time. Nor were we under pressure. There was absolutely nothing to kill the calories anymore!! :-) We were free birds blessed with a heaven. We flew.. :-)

I miss waking up and lazily walking to the food court for breakfast.. I always took the longer road, through a lovellllyyyy bridge.. I always made sure I never miss the beauty and serenity of the cool breezy mornings. I miss hanging out with my friends all night in the campus.. I miss the whistles the security people made whenever we walk through the roads instead of the footpath, though it sure made me crazy then.But somehow it got into the good memories now :P I miss the employee care centre where I learned the first few lessons in guitar, though I could only learn it for that one month.. I miss walking by the multiplex.. through a road that went up a lil which made me breathless.. to one another food court which served kerala food occassionally.. I miss being lost in the huge huge training centre which they call GEC(Global Educational Centre, I guess, n I hope :P Never bothered to check). Everytime. :-) I miss the salon and the bookstore there where they drained what was left of my salary :D

At every 3rd week of every month, I start borrowing money from those who can afford to give. And some took advance salary on a permanent basis :D It was futile trying not to spend money, you just get too much when you spend. Food. Clothes. Freak hang outs. Whatever. I borrowed the motto Money is a means to live, we dont live for money :D oh puhleeze try living there before frowning at me! :D

I still remember the last day.. when our gang got seperated since we were posted in different locations.. Chennai, Mangalore, Trivandrum.. I couldnt just stop crying in the train. Cried like a donkey. Or worse. I couldnt accept the fact that I was, at last, leaving the one place, and the people, who made me feel ALIVE..

But my marriage was fixed by then, and my dear husband played a big role in helping me get over the emotional mess. But even now, I miss.. :-) Its a good feeling. To miss.. :-)

My dear sweet memories of the heaven I held..
For the few moments of glory I lived
With all my heart I cherish..
Not one moment passes, when I fail to wish..
If only I can relive.. all those days, blessed..

Love you Infy!! Love all of you dummasses who made me crazy happy there!! Love u Mysore!! :-)

What is boredom?

I will define the word for you. See you needn't be idle to be bored. You can have a hell of work to do and still feel that life is just not worth living :P

Okay let me just list it out :

1. Imagine that you have some work to do, oh no not some , heaps of work, yea thats better :-) now to understand what I am saying, just try kicking yourself up, start doing what you are supposed to do.
.
.
.
Checking mailbox every 5 seconds? Checking your mobile hoping someone will be bored enough to sms you? YouTube? Games?
Ladies - Thinking its high time you give urself a facial or a manicure? Latest trend in fashion? Too many pimples on your face?

:D

Just laugh at how your mind fills with all kind of thoughts. All kinds I am telling you. Experience babe :P

Just understand you are bored, and the work u were supposed to do, admit u hate doing it!! :P

2. Your parents want to talk to you about your future.

Do I need to explain? :P

3. Your friend keeps talking about the love of her life, you smile and hear.

What exactly are you thinking inside ALL THAT TIME?? :D

4. Student?

Well you can just skip this blog :D

5. Guys, when was the last time u went along with your mother/sister/girlfriend/wife for SHOPPING?

Oh yeah you are definitely dead.

Ladies, take a chill pill, they just dont get it, its not in their system to understand what pleasure we get by trying out each and every outfit from each and every shop, finally buying one, and later realizing its not the one we wanted :D Nah they dont. They are just dull :P

The list goes on my friends. You have work. You are bored. You are with someone. You are bored. You are living. But the time ticks away second by second. AND YOU ARE BORED.

Not to worry, Its called boredom. 7 letters, easy to pronounce, rhymes with freedom, and you always have lots of it :D

I said it rhymes with freedom. See we all have our share of freedom. Boredom hits us when we dont know what to do with our freedom :P

See you are reading the last line of this post. Thinking you'll never read my blog again?
I think you now just experienced what boredom is,.. my friend :P

Nostalgic memories

Not that I have much time to be "nostalgic" yet they just push its way through to the top of ur head.. you know.. these memories..

I started my life there.. Till then it was just a routine.. monotonous.. But college changed me.. or better yet, helped me know ME.. :-)

I remember reading a hell lot of books during school days, ofcourse not the textbooks :D just novels.. autobiographies.. poems.. short stories.. what not.. and our own balarama, balabhoomi et cetera.. :P It was a nice sweet world you know, the world i created with all the fictional characters to take care of me :D 24 X 7 :D

My parents being teachers by profession, strictly believed in the concept "You dont study, You better DIE" :D Yeah most parents believe in it but they did even more..

And I did study, yes.. I remember studying a hell lot. And rest of the time whoooooooshhhhhhhh.. into my world.. beautiful.. beautiful.. simple.. serene.. romantic.. heaven.. :-) books, my friends, I am talking about books :D

But what happens when you jump from that perfect virtual world.. to an imperfect real one?? one can only imagine :-) You tend to be stamped stupid.. over emotional.. unrealistic.. n what not!! If any of you are going through that phase.. my dear sweet friend, its just a matter of time, u perfect in the imperfections of this world. And there you are, all wise and knowing :D Trust me :-)

Definitely not a nice experience I would say, but the end result was pretty nice.. I started having a friends circle.. Who appreciated and criticized and teased and loved.. I dont remember books doing that :P I started seeing the world as it is.. instead of letting the world see me in a pile of books. Those days, I opened my eyes wide. Saw. Felt. Laughed. Cried. Shouted. I started "living".. :-)
Yet these occasional depressions continued to hit me. I would climb out of it, slow but yes out. But when I look back, I see nothing but happy memories :-)

I had my time off studies then.. In college :D I slept when I felt like.. Cut classes and slept :P Had food from the most expensive places. My dear dad n mom, I dint know it was ur blood n sweat I was spending so selflessly :P Oh yes I knew when I got my first salary :-P

Got placed in Infosys and UST global. I dont remember being much excited about it. just happy, yes. But thats a totally different story which i would love to fit in my next post :-) Infosys was one heaven I was lucky to have, with all my friends to hang out and be absolutely free..

Then my parents found a guy for me with an exceptionally large tummy and heart :-) He never can be satisfied by food, or love.. :D And I resigned.. Aiming high, for both his tummy and his heart :D Happily dumped my job, since it had turned into a nightmare after the training :D Now here I am, typing away the words on my laptop.. on my study table in our sweet heaven.. just 2 kms away from my college, where I am spending my second college life.. Its altogether different, I sleep with my guy everyday :P instead of the zillion books and clothes in my bed, which was the main attraction of our hostel back in B.Tech days :P

And I cook. Oh I cook. Poor guy. He eats. My M.Tech studies saves him sometimes, when I just dont get the time to make him eat all my food :P Maybe thats why, now he has started poking me, "Why dont you do PhD too?!"
Yeah Right. :P

Emotional havoc :-)

Am Serene.. Am calm..
Am with you.. And its your charm..
But Nothing Lasts forever..
With or without you,
I need to live whatsoever..

How many of us has been smitten.. by this strange feeling called love? Will there be a million hearts out there wanting it somehow.. If only you can get a capsule.. a love capsule :-) which you can just have and tada! You feel free!!
Its still a mystery to me, this love. Loneliness and me went along just well before marriage I guess. But now.. Even a second of it is unbearable.. Its painful almost physically. I keep wanting someone to share my frustrations so bad I could just die just wanting it :-)

Crazy but yet so simple isn't it. Love. :-) When you have it with you.. near you.. You just forget to notice.. Yet you fall into that unknown deep stange endless pit of emotions if you dont have it when you need it.. And you start needing it when you notice something is missing. Something from someone close. Someone whom you had taken for granted all life long.. :-) How simple yet mysterious..

I have seen some of my friends go insane.. drunk.. slowly melting away.. without even their knowledge. Human mind is said to be so damn powerful, yet why is it so damn fragile when its the matter of love. I wonder if the people I see, the successfull happy ones, or the unsuccessful unhappy ones, are equally insane about the need to love and be loved.. I would like to see how it turns around a life.. From the peak to utter chaos.. and back.. All in a matter of seconds.. All in a matter of time.. when you can just feel that someone growing apart.. or when you blissfully curl up in their love and dream..

I am mesmerized. By this. Love. What is it?? Will anybody know ever? Please share your version if u have any. Maybe I can just stitch up all the versions and see the full view :-)

Insane I told you.. And here I guarantee :D

Working out

Back from gym. I run for about 3 kms on the damn treadmill everyday for past 2 weeks.. No significant loss of unwanted fat from my body :P but yeah u could say a little :-) Rome wasnt built in a day huh :-)

Lots Lots Lots to study.. Damn I need to start it.. Always the starting trouble hits my head when i take a book.. I like learning stuff but i hate the need to mug up all the stuff..

Why why we need to mug up all that info, 90 % or more of it outdated jargon from textbooks written a century ago.. I believe in a system where we can explore, think about new ideas, be creative and absolutely no mugging up!! whats keepin them from implementing it god knows but i do know some do support this idea..

But ofcourse I need to digest all that stuff in one go, and blissfully forget the second i put my pen down after exams. What do we gain people??!! A job which get you crazy with its monotonous routine ?? or the money we get but cant enjoy?? I absolutely dont know.

Ahh what the hell.. Everyonez a zombie and y shudnt i be not huh :P

Hmm my first blog..
Let me start by describing me.. Direct copy paste from my facebook page :P I dont know I thought I will blog and here I am and My head goes empty just like that. Story of my life :-)

okay I remember penning down this.. Without even blinking my eye once.. So its worth copy pasting. Any number of times I like. After all its my own words. Why why I am explaining so damn much? :-D

Every single person who meets me may have their own definition.Since am expected to tell what my opinion is, here goes:

I love being free.Emotionally, mentally, and socially.I am not comfortable with people or situations who try to chain me, either with their actions, or words.I dont know if i like that aspect of me.But it doesnt matter if i love it or not as I cant help it.I love it when am amongst people who appreciate it.And I hate it like pure hell, when people get hurt or dismayed by it.I guess thats the way it is. In life.

Whatever runs in my head, before i know it, will be outta ma mouth.I seriously dont appreciate it, since it made me stick on to the word "Sorry". I've changed it to Forgive Me.Just in case people get tired. You know.

I am a spendthrift whoz seriously considering to learn how to seal the money leaking holes b4 i end up in the slums.

I love to live life simple.

I love to love, and be loved just like any other human being.

Friends consume a major portion of my life's space, and am very attached to my sister.

Short tempered, something i would like to change about me, but not yet successful.I've stopped throwing away n breaking costly stuff though. :D

I love joking around, n having fun.I can get pretty weird when i start getting the hang of it :)Mostly, I end up feeling dumb, n if i didnt, my luck.

Cant stand insincerity, lies, or pessimism.Atleast from others.

Bloody optimistic that sometimes i wish i am a little more practical :) If someone slap me, I take pain in ending up infront of the same person, ending up with the same intensity slap.Maybe more.

I love long walks, journeys.I need changing situations, places as i get bored pretty easily; although its pretty much the opposite about the people am with.I stick on to the same boring dumbos.sorry guys :D

I love chocolates and books.Dont build me a Taj Mahal my love, just buy me snickers.

I love to drive during the night.I love the pleasant feeling of the mild cold breeze and the lovely memories it evokes or the sudden jump in my heart when i run over a bloody ditch.Am a keralite.Roads are sensational here.

I love writing poems, and appreciate poems that strikes a chord in my head and heart :)

I forget mistakes easily. Hence i forgive easily.However,forgiving my own mistakes take more time :)

I need intense motivation very frequently, and thanks to the big circle of friends, I dont lack much in that area :)

I love giving advises.Dont do the favour back. Please.I insist :D I hate advises.

I want to do something different in life, and since i believe we have one and only one life to live, i want to make it worthwhile.Like getting blown up in the space where a million UFOs and ETs might be watching.Cool huh.Kalpana Chawla is lucky.Ah man it hurts even to joke about her.I am a huge fan of yours, Kalpana.

I love challenges.But again, even small tasks that the disciplined and responsible do on a daily basis, are the worst challenges for me :) For example, being responsible. I cant do it. I simply cant.

People call me careless.And thats true.I cant even hold a spoon without dropping it atleast once :) Obviously, Am my parents nightmare :)

I am addicted to music.And I envy those who can sing.And when i hear melodies, i visualize am singing them.. LoL

Being a daughter of very disciplined parents, am highly disappointed in the alarming dearth of that virtue in my life :)

Now happily married, with the love of my life... He is one of the best things that happened to me :)

Oh yeah I am a F.R.I.E.N.D.S fan. I have watched it like a zillion times!!! :P

I am yet to discover more of me, so I'll keep adding when I do :D

In short, a weirdo :)